Stress is eating me alive.
Terror - thy name is children.
When do you get a day off from worrying about your bloody children, well child, one of them, the youngest OF COURSE.  Sometimes I don't think the kid even realises he is on planet earth.  I shouldn't be bitching about him on line, f*ck I shouldn't be bitching about him at all.  We got him to 20 and he's still alive.  Thats pretty amazing.  Celia Lashlie, a renowned expert in these matters said that was our job, get them through adolescence in one piece and that's it, your job is over, now its up to them.
My husband and my brother say I should just let him the F*CK go, cut the strings, sever the cord, kick him the hell out, let him find his feet, give him a chance to grow the F*CK up.  I'm sorry, did you guys push the little bugger out of your uterus, no I don't think you did.
Mother's can't do that, okay, (okay, some of them can) but I am having a really, truly, madly horrible time with this whole thing.,  I feel sick, depressed, sad, fretful, scared (change that to f*cking terrified) anxious, pukey, annoyed, unsupported and bloody ticked off.
I get it okay, I am not an idiot, I'm actually quite clever.  I know in my head that I have to let him find his own way in the world, I also know in my HEAD that he needs to learn how to survive without me.  I know that in my HEAD, my heart however is giving my head the finger.
I will do it, I will, I don't need anyone to say aggravating things like "are you thinking about what you need or what he needs?"  
Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
I have always used my intuition when dealing with anything, I follow my instinct and it hasn't let me down yet, and when ever I've f*cked up it's because I didn't follow my gut.  
Right now my gut is screaming at me that this isnt a good idea, while everyone is telling me it is.
I don't know what to do.
Is my gut being ambushed by my worrying little heart?
 Are all my mummy hormones beating my intuition into submission?  
Am I worrying over nothing?
Am I worrying over something thats not going to be as devastating as I think it is?
Should I give the kid a chance to clamber up the mountain alone or fall on his arse ALONE.
OMG I need a cool cloth on my head and a lie down.
I know I have to let go.
But its bloody hard.