My facebook picture

I don't usually talk to people on facebook unless I know them.  I don't friend people I don't know either, but a couple of weeks ago I was trying to share some posts on my fan page and accidentally added a whole lot of people who had requested I add them-who I would usually ignore.
So there were all these people in my friend list that I didn't know and who I have been trying to winnow out.
I get a lot of strange men from all over the world asking me to friend them.
I dunno why, it is clearly stated that I'm 53, happily married, and my pic is me, and only a few months old, (okay okay it is a really good angle, great lighting and the chin-s plural are obscured hehehe) 

I don't talk to strangers online unless it is in a totally impersonal way, because in a past incarnation I was reckless as f*ck on the internet, especially with other peoples feelings and that is NEVER going to happen again.  

Anyway, today, for some dumb arse reason I talked to a stranger.  
hey said hi, 
I said hi,
Then suddenly this man, (well his profile was a guy) launched into a very dark, sad, intense and scary dialogue about how no one cared about him and he wanted to die.  
Now I'm not an idiot, I know that people don't do that unless they are either lying or in a really desperate place.  
I chose to believe he was in a desperate place because even if he was lying, there would be a solid reason why someone feels they have to tell you they want to kill themselves.  
Why would someone be so unhappy to try and manipulate a persons feels with that...right off the bat.
Anyway, I said 'that is awful, do you want to talk about it.'
He said, 'Give me three reasons why I should.'
I replied.  'No, tell me if you want to.'
This started a surreal, disjointed, strange conversation in which I tried to say that "feeling shit is normal, wanting the world to stop is normal, but death is it, the end, the finish, its all over, and I have felt like ending it a lot, I mean way way more than a normal person should, and I am so glad I didn't do that because I am so happy now, I mean absolutely over the moon ecstatic about my life...which is AWESOME.' 
While this guy went into a downward spiral of every reason why he couldn't do anything to help himself and he wanted my phone number so he could talk.  
See, that's the point where it gets dangerous.  
I could see he had a hard time communicating in a written form but there was no f*cking way I am giving some stranger my number.  At the same time it was obvious he really needed to talk to someone...and there is the rub.  
So it was time for me to get the hell out of that conversation.  
I wrote, 'Don't die today, talk to someone, okay, watch a movie.  Inside out is awesome and funny.  I wish you all the luck in the world.  You really need to talk to someone, but I am not that person, Goodbye.'  
Then I blocked him.
I am leaving myself open to be criticized or even hated right now.  And I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be.  How could you?  I hear me tell myself pointedly.   
He needed help, that was obvious, but not from me.
Either way, if he is lying, or genuine and in trouble, he isn't taking any notice of anything I'm saying and I can feel the life force run out of me as I  try to fix the unfixable.

The truth is, I am not in a fit state to save anyone.
 I learned a long time ago that a lot of people who constantly sacrifice themselves for people other than their immediate family, and by that I mean partner and children, have issues of their own to deal with.  I am no stranger to the fixer, the self sacrificer, the selfless carer who puts everyone else first - that was me for a long long time.
I still do that on occasion but now I make sure to fill my own metaphorical  bowl  before I hand out metaphorical apples, pears and kumquats willy nilly.