Sometimes I look at people and think, "What the f*ck is wrong with you.'  But much more often, I look at myself and think. 'How the hell did you make it this far?  You're an idiot!'
Then I roll my eyes at myself.
I hate it.
I want to stop being so JUDGY, e
specially of myself.  I am very hard on me and it hurts my feelings.

Then I look at the absolute honey I married and think, I can't be that terrible if this sweetie is prepared to take me on forever.  I mean come on, he is possibly the nicest guy in the world.
 I love my husband, yes I do, in the sickening way that makes people gag.
 I love him in a way that hasn't stopped growing.  
Weird ay. 
 Isn't this sort of carry on was meant to slow down after a while - but it doesn't - it gets bigger and more overwhelming.  

I think there are a lot of reason why, for a start he is the right guy for me.  Our jig-saw pieces fit together.
We talk about everything.  
Well to be really truthful, I talk much more than he does, (much more than anyone really) Sometimes I don't really know if he is conscious or not but he does talk back on occasion but more important then anything, he listens.
 Another thing is we really want to be together all the time but not actually in the same physical space.  We like being in the same house, but not the same room.  I am mostly writing anyway so Scott, although he is right next door, is doing whatever the hell he wants which usually involves a game console or some kind or a computer.  
We have separate rooms.
We visit each other.
 Mostly him visiting me, but I have on 
occasion arrived in his room and just dumped myself all over him with great dramatic whines like 'Why don't you love me anymore....' if he didn't come into my room first.
And he turns off whatever he was doing and looks at me with that "what the f*ck are you talking about woman?' expression on his face.  
Then he hugs me for a minute and tells me to bugger off in a funny kind way.  
This is the relationship I have been waiting for.  
He is kind.  
I mean he is kind all the way down to the marrow in his bones and do you have any idea how rare that is?
But then he's got me and I am pretty amazing too, I'm a writer, artist, reader, great cook, world traveller, barer of amazing talented children and maker of the best fudge cake in the entire universe.
I think he could be lucky too.