It's raining, sirens, dodgy muffler-less car spewing hip-hop thuds up the road, yuk, some arsehole is using a power saw, and there is a bird with the most annoying, ring-tone-like hoot beep-beep slowed down road-runnerish song EVER driving me insane with its randomness.

I hate randomness almost as much as I hate mess....which is a LOT.  You wouldn't think it from my house, which to me, is always messy.  (not to the other people husband and son, that I live with, they honestly have mess-blindness.
Even when it is clean it isn't CLEAN to me.




Over the years, however, especially since this thyroid bullshit, I have had to let go of stuff, and the first thing I had to let go of what the belief that I had any sort of control of anything outside of myself, except for my husband, (whatever...he says)
See, right there, that is a big lie, I have no control over my husband at all.  Although if you ask anyone in my family or friends, which are basically the same thing, who is the bitch in this relationship...they will say he is.  That's because they don't know him and they certainly don't know how our marriage works.

What happens, and this will be a surprise to everyone, is Scotty too Hotty, my husband, is in complete control of everything.  I hear gasping and shouts of bullshit.
 Well everyone, you're wrong.  
  • He is in complete control,
  • he wears the pants, 
  • he is the boss, 
  • he is in charge. 
  • he gets everything, and I mean everything DONE
Yeah I'm loud, bossy, yelly, demanding and a frustrating pain in the arse, who has quirks and issues and habits that would drive a Saint to drive-by the Dalai Lama, but then, the loud people like me are never in charge of anything.  
We aren't allowed.  
THEY just let us play with the toys, make noise, and then they put us to bed.  
If you think yelling makes you the one in charge, you are delusional.  
The guy with the money is always in charge and they are usually the quiet ones working away in the background making everything HAPPEN.  The quiet ones push us loud ones out in front of the world and force us to tell lies like , "Look at me look at me, LOOK AT ME,  I did all this all by my own self."  
THAT is our job.  
That is our function.
So, my husband is in charge because I want him to be, I need him to be, and I LOVE it that way.  
If I am not in charge then I don't have to take any responsibility and nothing is my fault.  It is total and absolute freedom for me, crap for him, but hey, that's what the guy signed up for.
I am being honest here and I don't want to hear any crap about feminism blah blah blah because I have been in CHARGE, I have been the BOSS, the carrier of responsibility, the bread winner, the decision maker, the supporter, the carer, the floor scrubbing harriden with three jobs, a mortgage, worry and no f*cking sleep.  
I have done that with two other men and three kids.  
IT IS SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN.
The difference between my marriage and those other ones where the Man is in charge and the women hate it is the fact that my husband loves me and supports whatever I want to do with my life.  He also listens to my advice, and even lets me think I have some say in things, but ultimately he makes all the big decisions.

I just can't be arsed having to think about the day to day shit that makes the world go around - I am creating OTHER WORLDS in which I am in charge of taking care of the day to day shit that makes THOSE WORLDS go around. (Comprende?)  So all I need is for someone to feed me, f*ck me, wash me (or point out that I smell funny) and put me in a 
 dimly lit squishy,womb-like place and leave me the hell alone.




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